Life's a Stitch

This family drama took place a while ago. Dramas this past week include one daughter breaking up with boyfriend, another boyfriend moving to Edmonton to be close to the other daughter, and a sick boy who missed all his midterm exams.

Scene 1. Setting: Chuck and Li for a rare night on the town at Aqua Riva, a
very nice downtown Vancouver restaurant. Cell phone vibrates. Li bends over forward
in her seat so as to talk on the phone, positioning herself partially under the table.

Mom: Li here.

Caller, speaking rapidly: Hi Mom I know your cell is almost out of batteries
and if it dies you MUST call me back it’s an emergency.
Mom, calmly: What happened?
Child: The dog ate two bottles of glitter glue and it’s EVERYWHERE!
Mom: What was the dog doing out of the kitchen unsupervised?
Child: I don’t know. Mom, help quick, is she going to die?
Mom: It’s Crayola so it’s probably non-toxic.
Child: So, are you coming home to clean it up?
Mom: No, I’m at AquaRiva eating cioppino.
Child: What do I do? Use Folex? Where do I start?
Mom: Start with the carpet and then clean the dog.
Child: I’ll leave the dog for you.
Mom: No, if the glue dries on the dog her hair will need to be shaved.
Child: (Big sigh) Oh O.K.

Scene 2. Two hours later. Setting: living room, a mountain of almost every
towel in the house in the middle of the room. Wet sparkly dog running
around. More towels in kitchen.
Mom: The towels need to go into the wash ASAP.
Child: I did the dog you do the towels.
Mom: Child, the towels need to go into the washer.
Child: There’s something else in the washer.
Mom: When it’s done, move it to the dryer.  The towels need to go into the
washer.
Child: Suppose there’s something in the dryer?
Mom: Put the dry clothes is a laundry basket and move the wet ones over.
Child: Suppose the wet ones have something that can’t be dried?
Mom: Ask the person who owns the clothes.
Child: I don’t know whose clothes they are.
Mom: It’s not difficult, there’s only one other person home, ask her.
Child: Can’t you wash the towels?

Mom: silence

Child: Hey Mom? I know what you and Dad mean when
you say it’s a good thing the dog is so cute or you’d kill her. When I saw
globs of glitter glue all over I wanted to kick her but she looked up at me
with that sweet face and gold nose….

I realized, due to foul weather, I never took a photo of the Iceland scarf: